Saving the Lizard

I like to reflect on the little moments that open my eyes to the many treasures in life and the significance in the smallest of things.

Many times, those small things are monumental.

I have shared many of those moments with my daughter- so that she too can see the many treasures that are right in front of us.

Today, she shared a story that touched me deeply- and I want to pass it on to you.

She works as a counselor for a summer sports camp for children.

She told me there was a little girl who had a bone disease that made her appear to me much younger than her age due to her size.

The other children, not understanding that each of us have unique qualities, have teased her endlessly and today took the teasing to a deeper level of cruelty.

This girl was reaching inside a tire attempting to save a defenseless lizard and to bring it to safety.

The other children told her there were leaches inside the tire and hoped they would cover her whole body. 

She told my daughter she wanted to go home- - and she didn't deserve to come to a camp that was supposed to be "fun" just to be teased.

She shared some of the stories of how others have teased her- in school, play parks, and other social outlets- and they were heart-wrenching.

My daughter admitted to me her anger at the other children for being so cruel toward her.

She brought the little girl into the room and gathered all the children that were a part of the cruel gestures and asked them how it would feel to be teased every where they went because they were slightly different.

She also talked about the blessings the children had in life- one of them having the freedom to go places free from such cruelty. The children listened intently, apologized, and took my daughter's words to heart.

She asked the small girl if there was anything else that could be done to make things better.

The small girl simply said, "I just want to save the lizard."

My daughter said it was nearly impossible to not cry when she heard about the pain this girl has had to endure, but when she said she just wanted to save the lizard, my daughter did cry.

I cried when I heard it- the kind of cry that marvels at the heart of such an amazing little girl-- Knowing the tiniest of things truly can be momumental.

A Lavish Moment, I just had to pass along.

-Ardy Skinner

Life- The Wonderful, Yet Mysterious Mirror

Blogging- an interesting phenomenon. I have taken a short hiatus from my blog to allow life to unfold in its mystery and go with it.

Many times I am tempted to write from the perspective of the reader. However, this is when I’m led down a path that is filled with all sorts of perspectives, rather than my own, and it doesn’t serve my purpose in life.

The most interesting blogs are those who share “thoughts”… the ones that you can see into the person’s mind and heart.  These are the entries I read and reflect upon most often. They go into my wisdom pocket where I can pull it out when most needed.

With that said, if you blog, I suggest you always do it for yourself. There is a unifying thread through all of life, and you are a unique expression adding to the colors in this world. I believe it’s what we all yearn for.

I share this out of selfishness and selflessness. Can both be possible?

Absolutely.

Through my own journey of hitting rock bottom, I have found that taking care of self has been the most gracious choice I have made. It opened me to generosity, loving others, loving the moment, and seeing the world with new eyes.

It was through other people’s honesty and wisdom that I was able to move from the trenches of misery to a new freedom.

What I discovered through the honesty of others is when I deal with the small stuff in front of me, this wisdom just comes through. It isn’t through what “they say,” but rather what they share from the heart.

Often, however, especially in this day and age where information is so abundant, side tracking whispers in every moment tempting me to be lured away from this truth.

The most profound and powerful lesson through this is realizing I can only do one thing at a time… hold one thought at a time… and it’s those actions and thoughts that shape my life.

In it there is peace, power, and boundless positive effects that come through.

In my book, The Lavish Cheapskate, I share how debt was a great teacher to me. It taught me that the accumulation of debt I unconsciously reaped through the years had to be handled one at a time. And each debt had to be handled one payment at a time.

That lesson brought me limitless gifts. It showed me that money (and all things in life) is one with life- not separate- and must be honored through conscious choices.

Being a Lavish Cheapskate isn’t about “the stuff.” It’s about honoring every moment. Money, being a part of our everyday lives, is a powerful tool to teach us how to regard all of life. Although we want to perceive money as a separate entity, once we embrace that it isn’t separate, our entire lives shift.

I have also ventured into consciousness studies. I have spent the past several years studying the science of mind, and how it is aligned with our own personal journeys from a spiritual perspective.

It’s something I have been drawn to all of my life. It has shaped my path and has brought me to a place of understanding self so that I can, in turn, understand others.

I am also in recovery, and have been for the past ten years. Recovery is a humbling experience that takes you into the depth of your own being. The 12 steps are a part of a deep spiritual journey suggesting honesty with self and others.

I never considered myself a dishonest person, but found that dishonesty begins with the lies you tell yourself. It is a prison I built and protected for years and it did erode my life (although I didn’t see it until I went through this journey).

There is a term in recovery reflecting on judgment that says, “When you point a finger at someone, remember that there are three other fingers pointing back at you.” 

In the first several years of my recovery this helped me transform judgment into self-realization. A magnificent gift.

Today, I see the magnificence in others. When I raise my hand and point to someone and say, “You are magnificent!” I live in the same realization. There are three other fingers pointing back to me.

So that’s where selfishness takes on the alchemic effect of selflessness. J

I invite you to see the magnificence in others. From it, you will see the magnificence in yourself.

Life is a wonderful, yet mysterious mirror.

-May you live in lavish cheapskate liberation!   

Ardy Skinner

Zen Baby...

I've been out of the loop with this blog for a while. This is the place I post my thoughts and slices of life.

If you want to know more about my most recent book, The Lavish Cheapskate, go to www.lavishcheapskate.com. If you want to have a really cool thought to ponder, stay here.

Recently, I have been thinking of M&Ms... yes, those little candy-coated morsels of chocolate.

I have Christmas stockings hung and added some M&Ms to Santa's stash for the family. It took me back to over 13 years ago...

Back then, the majority of marketing for my business was through mail. So I always had big stacks of promotions through out my office and home. My daughter was 5 years old, and she had the good fortune of being on payroll. Her job was to place stamps and labels on postcards.

I would set out a little sample postcard for her so she had a visual of where the labels and stamps went.

Through time, she became a master at putting labels and stamps on the cards quite neatly.

One day, she came to me after a 20 minute surge of pasting stamps and labels and said, "Can I have an M&M break?"

I was tickled that she asked for a "specific break."

M&Ms were the only treats we kept in the house because you could have around 10-- get a sweet fix-- and without overspending health, money, or dental visits.

I gave her a plate and set down 10 M&Ms. I went back to writing marketing material for my clients.

Around 45 minutes went by and I was surprised my daughter hadn't returned to her task. So I did something I swore I would never "try to do" as a parent. I condemned prior to investigation. 

I called her into my office and said, "Well... honey. I guess you don't want to work today."

Her face fell with hurt, "But I want to work!"

"Well, I thought you would ask for more postcards after your break."

Her voice cracked, "But I'm still on my break!"

I tried to hide my frown of disbelief as I followed her back to her plate. 

On the plate, where I left her M&Ms, were 8 perfectly shaped mounds of chocolate by a red M&M and a brown one.

I was in awe. 

That little girl of mine ate the candy coating off of each one leaving every bit of chocolate left (as if they hadn't ever been dipped in the candy coating).

I placed my hand over my heart. I smiled and shook my head.

She bowed her head, "I really do want to work."

I sat down with her and said, "I love the way you eat M&Ms. You eat them the way you help me with my postcards. You're very careful. You take your time. And you think about one M&M at a time. That's really good stuff, Honey."

She smiled and said, "Thank you."

I walked back to my office slowly... thinking, "Where did this zen baby come from?"

Whenever you think you have to rush, remember this...
Every little morsel... every little moment... must be savored... just like the way my daughter eats M&Ms.

May you live lavishly! 

-Ardy Skinner

PS- That's my zen baby in the picture above (when she was a little tyke). Hope you enjoyed my post as much as I liked writing it.

The Diversity of Goodness

www.lavishcheapskate.com

As lavish cheapskates, we know that diversity of funds is a savvy decision. But there is a universal wisdom behind diversification.

When we look at money as an outside entity we must deal with, a source of power outside of ourselves, the three "d's" enter... disease, disharmony, and deficiency... and it's a result in the belief that there is "power" in money.

Money is a wonderful tool and extension to live a life of fulfillment. When we diversify what we are consciously choosing is to have money work "with us" as an ally of goodness.

We now have the awareness that disease is rooted in "dis-ease" in our way of living. We know that "disharmony" comes from not living in the flow of life. And we know that "deficiencies" come from lack of knowledge.

What brought this reflection is a shift in my own life. My daughter has entered her first year of college. She was raised to be independent and to reflect on these truths so that she could have liberation of choice. She entered her first year of college debt-free because she sees money as an extension and tool to live in liberation.

And I have had to reflect on diversifying goodness. People call this phase of life "the empty nest." I like to consider it a new beginning. I have had the blessing to know that giving "time"... that is, my undivided and unified attention to my daughter, has given her the gift of being that independent young woman she is today.

So my choices of goodness are being dispersed in new directions. Just like money, my energy and undivided unified attention now has broadened- and I have embodied the amazing gift that it is always available with my family, friends, colleagues, and of course, YOU.

The diversity of goodness allows one to open to harmony, health, and live in the realization that healing is recognizing these truths.


And for all of this, I am very grateful.

Until next time, may you live in lavish cheapskate liberation!

-Ardy Skinner
 
www.lavishcheapskate.com

Lights out...

My daughter and I were driving home from our regular evening visit next to the bookstore.

Within (what appeared) a few hundred feet, lightning struck and the crack of lightning matched the flash.

Wow...

We came home, the electricity was out, and the internet connection went with it.

It's been a little over an hour and I am amazed at how much our lives have altered in 60 minutes...

Lit candles for my daughter to take a shower.

No blow dryer, curling iron, or hair straightener.

Had to go into the evening damp.

No air conditioning.

My laptop computer battery is about to die (so you may see me fade out for a moment).

Just washed clothes, so I have garments draping from every chair, stairpost, and door knob.

The sun is setting, so I'm now lighting more candles.

Needed to put a newsletter out, but can't.

Have a line up of emails I am supposed to respond to before a trip to San Fran, but can't.

All of this in just one hour.

Amazing.

I wish I had a marshmallow.

I could toast it above one of the candle flames, smile, and enjoy the silence.

What did we do before electricity?

We lit candles, perhaps toasted a marshmallow, hung our clothes to dry, and had nice long slices of silence.

So is it really inconvenient?

Perhaps a large bit of inconvenience was created with electricity.

And it all started, ironically, just as this blog post- with lightning striking.

... Or maybe I just need an iphone.

Jeez.

-Until next time...

Your lavish cheapskate buddy...
Ardy Skinner

The Chipmunk, the ant, and the donkey

There is a collective thought during the recession that spurs all sorts of interesting behaviors.

Have you noticed?

Pay attention to your own life. As the media rattles off all the negative aspects about the economy, what beliefs are planting in your mind? Is it the suggestion of these beliefs that make us change, or is it that we revert to our basic tendencies?

When we hear such news, some people hoard things, while others keep moving with no sense of mindfulness of the moment, and others simply want to pull the blanket over their heads.

Instead of the natural flow of the moment coming and going and seeing the magic of it, we can fall into the "worry warp"... and from it all sorts of thoughts and borrowed beliefs riddle our minds.

All of us have our own ways to mask the white noise of worry.

We can be a chipmunk, a busy ant, or a donkey.

The chipmunk hoards-- gathering nuts, holding on to every precious commodity for the months ahead.


The busy ant works-works-works. The work numbs the mind from worry until it's time to rest and then the mind churns and churns until the next working moment.

And there's the donkey-- living in past worry, moving slowly, as if to say, "What's the point?"

Yet, within all of it is our lost youth; it isn't lost, it's just hidden by the suggestion which says, "Grow up."

But before that notion or suggestion sets in, the child sees the chipmunk, the ant, and the donkey as a world filled with things to play with.

The chipmunk could be the friend who brings nuts and all sorts of wonderful things to nibble on in any given moment.


The ant's work can turn into a dance... moving in all sorts of directions and finding larger objects to dance with.


And the donkey is a dream of a ride that might not happen too quickly, but the potential is marvelous.

It's in the magic of the moment.

My daughter is now an adult. She turned 18 in April and just graduated from high school. She recently said to me, "I don't want to grow up."

I got goosebumps. We talked about being "childlike" and how you can always choose to live in that magic.

When she was less than a year old and crawling, I bought a big bag of pretzels because she really liked them. She would crawl up to the bag and put her little hand out and open and close it like a lobster claw and say, "Pa-pa." Her baby word for pretzel. A year later, we were clearing out the house to move. I was going through all the cabinets and noticed one of the lower ones didn't have a safety lock on it. I opened it, and there was a huge mound of pretzels. Every time my daughter asked for a pretzel, she would crawl over to the one cabinet she could open and started her own pretzel mound for that rainy day.

She's a chipmunk. She can use her nature to bring all sorts of wonderful things for many.

I'm an ant. I can turn work into a dance inviting larger things and many others to join the dance.

My neighbor is a donkey. Within him is all sorts of potential.

Yet, all of us can be children... and when we choose childlike magic, our question is, "What's a recession?"


We see that there is abundance within our imagination in any given moment.
 
Until next time, may you live in lavish cheapskate liberation!
 
-Ardy Skinner
 
http://www.lavishcheapskate.com/

An Unlikely Proposition...

I’ve had quite an amazing day.


I’m in Dallas, Texas, attending a Super Conference given by Bill Glazer and Dan Kennedy. In my book, The Lavish Cheapskate, I mention Dan Kennedy on page 44 and recommend the book, “The Ultimate Marketing Plan” as a great starter for anyone considering a business to create their own stream of residual income.

 If you’re not interested in starting a business, there is still a universal message I want to share here, so hang out for a moment…


Now Dan is a “tell it like it is” writer, mentor, and genius marketer who doesn’t mess around with trying to “win you over.” He’s quite the opposite.

Dan can be so downright direct that some may find him quite offensive. Yet, this man is one of the most generous people I know. He shares his incredible gifts and simultaneously cuts out all the “B.S.” (as he commonly refers to as his style of communicating). He has not only helped me with running a successful business, he has helped me on a personal level.

I was a student of Dan’s when I lived as a “Poor-Rich Person” back in the nineties. In my book I tell the story of how my “ old lifestyle” put me in a place of losing it all (including a once very successful business) to having to find my first “full-time job” as a single mother at the age of thirty-five.

What I’m about to share with you is very personal…

Back in the late nineties, when I lived as a Poor-Rich Person, I had a big bottleneck in my life, and that was drinking. I wasn’t a “light drinker,” I was drinking myself to death. I didn’t mention this in my book, but I did mention a stress-induced seizure that woke me up.

A short time after that incident, I sobered up and have been sober ever since. In June I will be entering my tenth year of sobriety and as a part of my own gift to myself, I decided to come to Dallas and see Dan Kennedy, once again. It’s been more than ten year since I’ve seen him.

So why am I sharing such a personal story with you? I’m sharing it for two important reasons:


1. No matter where you are in life, there is always a path to a new freedom. It doesn’t matter where you have been, it’s a matter of where you courageously go… and you ALWAYS have a choice.


2. When you share something others may judge as “humiliating,” you also open a door for many others by demonstrating a new possibility. I have found as I become honest and direct, I have not only helped myself, I have had the gift of sharing something of value with others. The most inspirational stories I have received are from those that write to me about their own struggles as they compare them to mine.

Dan reminded me of the power of this as he talked about criticism this evening. His suggestion... “Unqualified Opinions Are Best Ignored.”

When I reflected on these words tonight, I asked myself, “If I were free from any fear of criticism, what would I write?” And I thought of how I have lived a new freedom since I gave up drinking and how this has had such a profound impact in all aspects of living. I also realized that the fear of criticism could have stopped me from sharing this and it’s quite possible it will inspire others to venture down a path of their own personal recovery (whatever that may be).

When you become courageous enough to share a part of yourself with the world and attempt to add value to others through your own experience, you WILL have critics. It’s not a matter of if it will happen, it’s a matter of when.

You will be criticized when you take courageous leaps in life. I make only one small request of you… Leap Anyway!

I will close this with something else Dan Kennedy taught me years ago (in my words, not Dan’s, but close)… If you haven’t received criticism by high noon, perhaps you’re not doing enough.

My hope is this will give you the freedom to look forward to criticism knowing that “taking leaps of faith” are never done for the critics; they’re done for YOU. And when you do it for you, you share a new possibility with the world.

May you have many courageous leaps!

Until next time, may you live in lavish cheapskate liberation!

-Ardy Skinner